I had a dream a few years ago. In fact it was eight months after my breast cancer diagnosis and lumpectomy.
I was a bit adrift in my life at that time, not exactly sure what I wanted to be doing next. Or perhaps I wasn’t yet ready to admit what I wanted to be doing next. That year was a process, a year of feeling my feelings and letting things unfold in their own time. I had become weary of pushing through things, of being ultra-responsible to many others while disregarding my own desires. This was a year of rest, reflection, discovery, and dreaming.
I had a dream in April of 2012. I was in a car wheeling down the road, in and around curves when I noticed a nearby policeman. Immediately I also realized that I was in the passenger seat and there was no one behind the driver’s wheel! I had a feeling the cop would probably take issue with this. My next thought was, “God’s driving.” I smiled at the thought and also at the imagined response of the policeman.
A few months ago I felt guided to create some divination cards based on some of the more potent dreams I’ve had. (“Divination,” for those unfamiliar with the term, is a process of using one’s intuition to divine guidance and answers to questions. Oftentimes other tools are involved: cards, runes, things with symbols on them.) I created this handmade deck of Sacred Dream cards. And I’ve been pulling this card a lot lately. “God’s driving.”
Nowadays, a little over three years after that dream, I have created a life for myself that is generally much less stressful than the one I had been living between the years of 2006 and 2011. Now any of the pressure I feel is mostly self-applied: How many chapters can I write? How many walks can I fit in this week? How many healthy meals can I make? Do I have time to meet with my grieving widow friend? Is it time for another call to Mom? How can I make a bit more money?
But pressure is still pressure, no matter its source. I still have more to learn about living a life of balance. How do I find the balance between action and reflection, between constantly prodding myself to be productive and allowing myself to have fun? Can I learn to stop pushing the river and go with the flow?
I absolutely believe that we create the life we’re living—either consciously or unconsciously. I have consciously been creating and manifesting a life that feels healthier to my body and spirit. At the same time, I feel relief to think of the wisdom of this dream.
God’s driving. With Him at the driver’s wheel, perhaps I can relax a little bit. Perhaps I don’t have to figure everything out all the time. Perhaps I can let go and just enjoy the ride.