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I had a dream a few years ago.  In fact it was eight months after my breast cancer diagnosis and lumpectomy.

I was a bit adrift in my life at that time, not exactly sure what I wanted to be doing next.  Or perhaps I wasn’t yet ready to admit what I wanted to be doing next.  That year was a process, a year of feeling my feelings and letting things unfold in their own time.  I had become weary of pushing through things, of being ultra-responsible to many others while disregarding my own desires.  This was a year of rest, reflection, discovery, and dreaming.

I had a dream in April of 2012.  I was in a car wheeling down the road, in and around curves when I noticed a nearby policeman.  Immediately I also realized that there was no one behind the driver’s wheel!  I had a feeling the cop would probably take issue with this.  My next thought was, “God’s driving.”  I wondered how the policeman would feel about that.  I smiled.

A few months ago I felt guided to create some divination cards based on some of the more potent dreams I’ve had.  (“Divination,” for those unfamiliar with the term, is a process of using one’s intuition to divine guidance and answers to questions. Oftentimes other tools are involved: cards, runes, things with symbols on them.)  I created this handmade deck of Sacred Dream cards.  And I’ve been pulling this card a lot lately.  “God’s driving.”

Nowadays, a little over three years after that dream, I have created a life for myself that is generally much less stressful than the one I had been living between the years of 2006 and 2011.  Now any of the pressure I feel is mostly self-applied: How many chapters can I write?  How many walks can I fit in this week?  How many healthy meals can I make?  Do I have time to meet with my grieving widow friend?  Is it time for another call to Mom?  How can I make a bit more money?

But pressure is still pressure, no matter it’s source.  I still have more to learn about living a life of balance.  How do I find the balance between action and reflection, between constantly prodding myself to be productive and allowing myself to have fun?  Can I learn to stop pushing the river and go with the flow?

I absolutely believe that we create the life we’re living—either consciously or unconsciously.  I have consciously been creating and manifesting a life that feels healthier to my body and spirit.  At the same time, I feel relief to think of the wisdom of this dream.

God’s driving.  With Him at the driver’s wheel, perhaps I can relax a little bit.  Perhaps I don’t have to figure everything out all the time.  Perhaps I can let go and just enjoy the ride.

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